Topic #7. What are your personal biases?
(Showing 16-27 of 27)
16. correction!
Sun, Sep 19, 1999 - 4:17 PM/EST
bigt_iii
that's girl, believe, and sigh (not sign)-haven't figured this edit thang out yet!
17. overly sensitive
Sun, Sep 19, 1999 - 11:43 PM/EST
ambers.
Thanks bigt_iii,
I think the girl was overly sensitive, but she probably had reason to be. At least I know I was innocent in staring at her-- it was an honest thing and had nothing to do with what she looked like or who she was. I think we have a long way to go on both sides, whether you are a member of a minority group (including biracial), or whether you are a member of the majority group.
I have found that as an American Hindu (and "honorary Indian") I am an ambassador of sorts between two very different but rich cultures. I am glad when people come up to me and aske me questions about Indian culture or Hinduism. It shows they are interested in learning and have an open mind. Mind you, I never try to convert anyone or anything, just to teach in a non-threatening way. This forum is a good way to bridge other cultural gaps. I feel that I have grown quite a bit in a very short time by being here.
Thanks, all!
Amber
18. overly sensitive
Sun, Sep 19, 1999 - 11:46 PM/EST
ambers.
Thanks bigt_iii,
I think the girl was overly sensitive, but she probably had reason to be. At least I know I was innocent in staring at her-- it was an honest thing and had nothing to do with what she looked like or who she was. I think we have a long way to go on both sides, whether you are a member of a minority group (including biracial), or whether you are a member of the majority group.
I have found that as an American Hindu (and "honorary Indian") I am an ambassador of sorts between two very different but rich cultures. I am glad when people come up to me and aske me questions about Indian culture or Hinduism. It shows they are interested in learning and have an open mind. Mind you, I never try to convert anyone or anything, just to teach in a non-threatening way. This forum is a good way to bridge other cultural gaps. I feel that I have grown quite a bit in a very short time by being here.
Thanks, all!
Amber
19. opening up
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 9:57 PM/EST
deepwaters
amber- you probably are reading too much into the young child. I agree that she probably gets stared at often, but probably thought you were "crazy" to keep staring at her! See what happens when people assume...I'm glad you explained your position to her and allowed her to understand why you were doing what you were doing. I believe so much of today's problems between races and people in general are due to general misunderstanding, but it takes committed people to want to explain and clarify. That takes work. We all have to keep striving for understanding of ourselves and our biases (unconscious and conscious)
20. Too sensitive sometimes
Tue, Sep 21, 1999 - 3:05 PM/EST
ambers.
bigt_iii ,
As usual, you bring up some good points. The girl was probably seeing the world through her own world view but I agree, it was rude for her to express her displeasure like that. I mean, it's okay when you know it's outright discrimiation or racial prejudice but I was just trying to help her with directions if she needed them. Nothing racial about that!
Anyway, I shouldn't be so sensitive either. Maybe she was just having a bad day and she was shaking her head because her mom just scolded her or something totally unrelated to me.
Kids these days are getting ruder and ruder it seems. Oh geez! Now I'm sounding like my grandparents.
I was just looking through the LIFE magazine photos of the century edition and couldn't believe some of the pictures they showed with racial tensions only happened so recently. I was one year old when one of them happened (1975) (can't remember which pic it was right now). The famous one where the demonstrators were being sprayed with hoses and having dogs set on them was only in 1965. That was not too long ago. When I first read about Jesse Owens and Hilter refusing to shake his hand after he won the gold medal, it sounded like the stone ages--and yet I got to shake his wife's hand at a track meet when I was nine.
So do you think things are getting better or worse, or the issues are just different now?
Cheers,
Amber
21. Staring
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 10:42 AM/EST
ayrie51
I discovered in my studies of Deaf Culture that Deaf people HATE being stared at. And they don't necessarily have the luxury of being able to walk up to the starer and speak the words, "May I help you," and begin a conversation. If we don't see a Deaf person signing, we have no way of knowing they are Deaf. At a "Silent Dinner" in a food court at a large mall in NJ, I sat at a table by myself for awhile just observing. Deaf people sat signing at five tables. Several teenage boys sat down near them within my earshot. One said, "Look, those people are using sign language." Another said, "They must be deaf." They watched for awhile--actually, they were staring. But it was not a stare of hatred or anger. They were fascinated by what they were seeing. I was dumbstruck. I expected them to make crude remarks about Deaf people being stupid, and I was fully prepared to interrupt them and explain that Deaf people are not stupid--they just can't hear. So, there I was, fully prepared to take on someone else's bias, when I realized that I must have a bias against teenage males. I felt like someone pulled out the carpet from under my feet. In sum, we all have biases; we just don't necessarily know what they are or that they even exist.
22. Personal bias
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 10:56 AM/EST
ayrie51
I know I have a bias against fat people. I don't mean overweight people; I mean people with rolls of fat hanging around their middle, and limbs like tree trunks. Perhaps it dates way back to when I was a toddler. My grandmother, an obese person, had a preference for big bear hugs, which squished my little face into her huge bosoms, and I literally could not breathe. I would "emerge" from the hug gasping for breath. She died when I was four. My bias seems to exclude fat people who have a glandular problem rather than an overeating problem, which I guess means that I make an allowance for those who can't help it and that I penalize those who can't control their eating (perhaps because I can't relate to or understand that disorder?). And the bias seems to be directed more at fat women than fat men. I recently met an obese man, who is charming, fascinating, witty, and intelligent. I find that my bias is almost nonexistent with him. Rather, he brings out my maternal instinct. I fear for his health. The same is true for an obese woman at my church, who I love dearly. She is an exception to the bias. I don't kinow what this all means. Maybe I've been making exceptions to the bias because I have given these people a chance to be who they are on the inside. If I hadn't allowed myself to reach out to them in the first place, I'd have lost some very meaningful relationships. To use Jonathan's phrase, the "emotional risk" was definitely worth it!
23. Staring
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 2:55 PM/EST
I still have a vivid memory from years ago when my husband and I strolled down a mall in Hattiesburg Mississippi with our newborn daughter. This man followed us for quite some time before my husband asked if he would like to get into her stroller for a ride, at which he quickly disappeared. I also have sat through many dinners in resturants (particularly in the south) where I was amazed that the people staring at us could manage to shovel their food into their mouth without missing! At first, the staring bothered me but now I manage to filter out the gawkers by putting on the blinders, unfortunately this may have cost me the opportunity of meeting people like amber, whose intentions are not equivalent to those who stare in disapproval.
24. response to ayrie 51's personal bias
Sun, Sep 26, 1999 - 9:26 PM/EST
elena
Being a very overweight person with "limbs like tree trunks" your post really pushed my button. You say that your predjudice isn't against persons with a "glandular" problem, just against those who don't control their eating.
How can you determine by sight who has lost control of their eating vs medical obstacles towards losing weight? After 15 years of constant exercise, nutritional studies and controlled eating habits, I have lost a grand total of 4 pounds. I eat less calorically than my 125 pound sister-in-law. I was a slightly plump child, but did not become huge until my thirties, despite a life-long commitment to healthy eating and exercise. I still swim 4-5 times weekly and walk when I can, despite progressive knee arthritis.
There are so many incorrect assumptions about fat people and their lifestyle. I'd venture a guess that there are *no* very obese people who gained the weight due simply due to a lack of discipline or slovenly lifestyle. There is just to much pain and predjudice and discrimination and public ridicule on a daily basis to ignore. I can't imagine anyone not feeling motivated to try a myriad of methods to become "normal" acceptable or attractive. I'd venture a guess that most of these folks (or should I say *we* folks) have tried numerous radical diets and liquid fasts and even some surgery to lose weight, all to no avail. My own dieting history actually resulted in more weight *gain* in the long run than loss. I now am trying, with great difficulty, to accept myself as I am.
25. response to ayrie 51 cont.
Sun, Sep 26, 1999 - 9:31 PM/EST
elena
I will continue my healthy habits until I die, and will struggle with the medical profession to get treatmnet for any ailments that arise. Doctors almost always assume that every and all health problem must be due to my weight, and almost always prescribe only weight loss. When I ask what they would do if I were normal size, I *sometimes* get a more realistic treatment. I was once told that resistant cough from the flu was due to my weight.
I most definitely have ailments that are related to being so overweight, but can do little to prevent them. I do believe, however, that it's my right to get them *treated* and not just brushed off as being due to my weight.I have to be very assertive and confrontative with doctors to find out what is the best treatment. Asking what they would do if I was of a normal weight almost always startles them into suggesting something other than weight-loss surgery.
I will not undergo this surgery because my research reveals that almost everyone who undergoes it has a life long of digestive and infectious problems, and tend to love a greatly shortened life, despite the weight loss. Others somehow gain all the weight back and more despite having a stomach capacity of just one cup!
26. response to elena
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 4:42 PM/EST
ayrie51
My apologies for pushing your button. Actually, I'm so glad you responded. Now that I have developed friendships with some obese people, I see how stupid the bias is. And grossly unfair, just like all biases. I mentioned it in the first place because it is a bias I've known I had since childhood, unlike those biases we deny or don't recognize we have. Please don't think I'm shaped like a toothpick. Pregnancy 10 years ago rounded me out pretty well, and I've never lost the added pounds, no matter what I do. I can't look at a photograph of myself anymore without thinking, "Oh, what a fat face I have." As a matter of fact, I've been eating about 600 calories a day for about 3 weeks, and the scale hasn't budged a centimeter downward. But I sure feel tired and cranky--not the reward I was seeking. I applaud your decision to accept yourself the way you are! And your persistence in getting a straight answer from doctors is impressive. It's a good tip. Thanks for your honesty and sharing.
27. re: ayrie's response to elena
Tue, Sep 28, 1999 - 11:25 AM/EST
elena
No offense taken.I'm just duly noting how quick my feelings ignite despite eons of experience with this. And even *I*, too shared your bias in the past. Before I was so heavy, I *perceived* myself as grossly overweight, but was in reality only about 15 pounds too heavy. I was extremely judgemental about anyone heavier than I, and had to consciously examine my reactions to fat people. Our society places so much value upon good looks that it is so thoroughly incorpoarted into our psyches on even a subconscious level.
My ex-husband would describe incidents of internal and almost self-hating racism among his extended family (African American). Those who were darker, had more pronounced ethnic features or were less attractive were subject to heavy-duty ridicule.
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