Topic #5. White Women & Black Men
(Showing 16-20 of 20)

16. You don't look . . .
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 11:28 AM/EST
bb

People need to check their responses and be open to the fact that their assumptions about how someone should look could be way off base. I do think that the same response is often given to white people based on their cultural background. Like when a blond, green-eyed person (my relative) hears "you don't look Italian". A little curiosity might allow them to learn that that's how many northern Italians look!

17. Curiosity
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 11:40 AM/EST
uhope

A combo question to Aphrodite's and BB's responses above - and others, please join in: Do you consider it rudeness or curiosity when asked, "What are you?"? I realize it depends a lot on the tone and circumstances, but on the other hand; how does one learn about something without asking? I certainly don't feel obligated to be an instructor on racial harmony to the world, but I've never minded sincerely asked questions about myself (I loved your sample conversation, A!). In these "politically-correct" times, I think fear of offending someone may hold many people back from enlightening themselves. What do you folks think?

18. Curiosity
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 6:16 PM/EST
bb

Uhope, great question! I hope others will join in on this one. This is something we discuss in my diversity classes. I think the person who is curious should not only watch the tone and context of questioning but should also make the effort to establish a sincere, friendly relationship with the other person. Also the questioner needs to be willing to share information about their own background. If these things don't happen then it can seem like an inquisition to the other person. And Uhope, I agree with you--if we can't make a sincere effort to learn about someone else's background then we can never hope to get past broad generalizations and stereotypes.

19. What Are You
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 8:12 PM/EST
aphrodite

I should have added to my post (above) that I sometimes answer "what are you?" with "human." That gets about the same response though. Now, I answer "my mother was Danish and my father was Mexican." That answer explains why I don't fit the Mexican stereotype to everyone's satisfaction.

I do feel that it is rude to ask "what are you?" Ways that the same question has been asked that are not annoying:

"You are so exotic, what is your background?" (keep in mind that it always helps to be flattering)

"You are so interesting, where is your family from?"

"You have such beautiful skin, what ethnicity are you?"

20. what are you
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 10:27 PM/EST
domdotcom

i think we touched on this one before on another thread.

nothing will tick me off more than the question. i don't understand the curiosity. i'm not like a circus freak or anything. i'm a person. and the things people say-UGH!

i'm not mixed, high yellow, light skinded, heinz 57, halfbreed or any of the others i've heard. unlike aphrodite, all of my 'you don't look..' comments haven't been from one group. one fabulous man once told me

'the thing i like most about youis the black woman in you says make love to me while the white woman in you says no.' i told him i wasn't sure who was talking, but one of us was telling him to take me home.

i understand some people grew up with only the same people around them, but their ignorance doesn't have to lead to me getting stopped on the street, in a store, on a line.