Topic #2. White women/Black women
(Showing 6-20 of 30)

6. black woman friends
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 11:11 AM/EST
bettina

very interesting. I don't think my mom (white woman married to a black man) has ever had black girl friends. But than again my moms closest friends are the 4 German women she came to this country with. Now the people who my parents hang out with are their neighbors who again, are all white..but I wouldn't call any of them my moms best friends, she doesn't really develop relationships like that with women.

7. girlfriends
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 1:29 PM/EST
shelli

For me friendships, with other women develop from similar interests and places where we are in our lives, rather than friendships based on skin color. I am very close with my black sister-in-law, as well as my latina sister-in-law. One of my closest and dearest friends is Filipina. The majority of other women I associate with are white, but that is because of things we have in common, such as our children and activities they are involved in, etc. My husband’s closest friend is white.

8. Suspicious
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 2:05 PM/EST

I havent paid much attention as to who white women who date black men associate with. I usually ignore them because I feel that the black man has something against black women.

In the series "Bill" commented that he initially pursued "Karen" because of the trophy aspect of dating a white women, like she was some sort of prize or something. This type of behavior can make white women feel as though they are thought of as better than other female races. This maybe another reason why black females tend to stray away from making friendships.

9. Friends
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 4:36 PM/EST

I agree with criamama - you make friends with

those who share commonalities, and some, like me

have a small intimate circle of friends, my other

friends are acquaintances. I'm just sorry there

are so few "non-whites", who live in my town.

There seems little opportunity to make friends who

come from another cultural background

10. friends
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 5:47 PM/EST
bettina

Kikko, you're probably right. A lot of black women might tend to stray away from making friendships with white women, for whatever reason. Do you have any white friends? If not, what keeps you from making any (unless your environment doesn't provide a melting pot of cultures of which to choose friends from)?

"I havent paid much attention as to who white women who date black men associate with. I usually ignore them...." - ouch! Ignore the the black man, or the white woman....or both?

11. White Women/Black Women
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 7:14 PM/EST
christing

At this point in my life, I do not have any black female friends. I have always worked for small companies, where the makeup was usually white and Christian. The times in my life when I have had female friends that are black were usually when I was involved with a black man who was close to his family and had a lot of black friends. When I look at a person, I do not see race, and I have not related differently to black women than to white women. My fiance (who is black)has mostly white friends, and therefore I have not exposure to black women, as I have with other boyfriends in the past. I would certainly welcome a friendship with a black woman for many reasons, but I do not have the opportunity at this time.

12. Black women friends
Tue, Sep 21, 1999 - 7:11 AM/EST
demara

The reason why I brought this up was that while watching the series, I saw how Karen had no black friends. I thought about my aunt(white) who had no black friends. I started thinking about different white women that I worked with who had black husbands but no black girlfriends. One particular coworker brought her daughter over to play with mine and began to question me about her daughter's hair. She couldn't seem to deal with it. I was glad to offer suggestions and to answer her questions for the child's benefit. This child was 10 years old. Why hadn't she found help before this? Didn't she ever have a black woman friend before? Why didn't she buy some black hair magazines or take her daughter to a black hair salon and observe and ask for advice. I've seen more than a few biracial children wear some strange hairstyles.

Hair is not so important, but having close black women friends could be an excellent resource for any white woman raising a biracial child. Caring friends of all sorts are important for children to be around and be a part of. Don't you think that if Cicily had been around more black women that her socialization skills may have been improved? her identity problems lessened? that Karen would be more educated about problems that her daughters would face? Doesn't every mother have a duty to network, seek out connections and sources, to make an effort to educate herself in the the things that her child is involved in?

13. mothers duty
Tue, Sep 21, 1999 - 10:02 AM/EST
bettina

I think it's the responsibility of both the parents (if you are raised by both parents) to educate their children of issues pertaining to both races. I think every father has the duty to network/seek out connections as well. I realize more and more when I think about it, that I am really lucky. My father buys me "Essence" magazine and "Black Hair" so I can find my own resources....if I choose, and my mom asks women whose hair she likes ..."who does your hair or what products do you use"...I'm constantly getting input equally from both sides about all sorts of issues.

14. Friends
Tue, Sep 21, 1999 - 10:05 AM/EST

Hi Bettina

In general I have few if any women friends, they would be associates at work probably. While in High School and college all of my close girlfriends were black. The only white "friends" I had were my roomates because I attended a predominately white college. This was a situation that was chosen for me, I didnt choose them as roomates. So I think I naturally became friends with those I felt more comfortable around and also those who I had more in common with.

Ive just always had experiences with "whites" where while you were talking with them they always talked as if they knew everything and like they had to correct you and inform all the time. With my "black" girlfriends I could relax and just talk as if we were equals. Im sure there are those who arent like this, but I have not met any.

When I mentioned that I ignore the interracial couple I say this because I feel the black man is sort of expecting black women to care that he is dating a white women, like we should be upset or jealous. So I ignore the whole situation because a lot of these relationships are for status symbol purposes.

15. friends
Tue, Sep 21, 1999 - 10:45 AM/EST
bettina

kikko-

I can see you'd probably feel more comfortable with your black girlfriends, you have more in common with them, deal with the same problems and share the same interests (ie: music, TV, movies). But the part where you feel you talk to each other as equals and don't feel that way when you talk to whites, might be an issue with yourself confidence. (I don't know you at all, these are just my thoughts) Sure there are plenty of people, no matter what color, who think they are better then others, but as a gerenalization to whites?.....I have a group of friends that I met in college who are from Silver Springs, MD and the area (I read your bio) most of which are white. These are some of my best girlfriends....their attitude is not even an ounce of what you describe. You haven't met any?....you need to get out more. (said in a jokking manner)

16. white women/black women
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 10:02 AM/EST
criamama

Demara, from watching the series, I have the impression that Karen is an individual that does not have many "close" friends outside of her family. I, also, have the impression that she is very close to her black in-laws, maybe closer than even to her own biological family. That's my impression.

Also, Living in the large apartment building in NYC would mean there were plenty of black families who were neighbors. Cecily could have had friends from many cultures. This was probably the case in her school as well. Cecily is an individual and she did and will continue to choose her friends from those people she feels most comfortable with and can share similiar interests.

17. Black women friends/Message to demara
Thu, Sep 23, 1999 - 12:18 PM/EST

demara, I can see you have some not too thinly disguised issues about race -- the judgemental statements against interracial couples, strange hair styles of biracial kids etc. You wouldn't appreciate it if someone said they've seen some strange hair styles of black kids would you? You seem to want to start an argument. If you want to go there, then be prepared to get it back without getting your feelings hurt. We can talk openly and honestly, but the playing field has to be even. Everyone else is trying to be real respectful and "politically correct" and you're still taking your digs. Is this the forum to vent your hostilities?

18. to jeb
Fri, Sep 24, 1999 - 5:09 AM/EST
demara

I am not attempting to be politically correct or trying to disguise anything. I don't disrespect others without a reason and even then I try to at least find some kind of common ground that I can deal with them in a peaceful manner. I am certainly not hostile. Yes, I have seen some strange hairstyles on some biracial children because I believe that their mothers were trying but were having difficulty in dealing with something that was very different to them. I had the same difficulty with my own child and searched for a solution. I had to go out of my own culture to do this. It does not offend me if someone says that they've seen some strange hairstyles on black kids. I'd have to agree because I see them everyday. My son, who is trying to grow dreds (his hair is silky and unkinky) is a good example.

Don't be so sensitive and ready to attack. That's what has caused so much racism in the world. If I say I'm uncomfortable with something that doesn't mean I am against it. If I state what I've noted in my life's experience, then maybe others can tell me that it's different where they live or within their life's experience. Maybe I will alter my opinions. At this stage in my life I am comfortable with my personal choices and with who I am. There is no hate in my heart.

19. Stop the debates
Fri, Sep 24, 1999 - 7:51 PM/EST

Bettina,

No I am very confident, I have just experienced a great number of whites who feel they are the authority on all types of topics, it's hard to find common ground with someone who feels they have to compete or debate with you about who knows more about the most mundane topics. It's very hard to find whites who interest me to tell you the truth. This a major reason why dating white men never worked out for me, they seemed too stuffy and always tried to be perfect. Just an observation. And I get out enough Bettina, thanks for the suggestion.

20. Just Curious, Kikko
Sun, Sep 26, 1999 - 7:45 PM/EST

Have you ever confronted any of the whites about

their competitive/patronizing attitude? I wonder

what they would say? I know what it's like

talking to my know-it-all brother who's always got

to be right. He'll openly admit that he thinks

he's always right, so I say my piece and then

usually just change topics when he gets into this

mode.

Women, though, are usually a bit more responsive

and sensitive. It would be an interesting

experiment to just name what's going on and see

what they do....