Topic #12. What do you think of Bi-racial adoptions?
(Showing 16-19 of 19)

16. I think most Americans are very superficial
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 3:35 PM/EST
alessandra

That is what I thounght when I first moved to this country and I still think that. The very fact that someone has to make an issue out of bi-racial adoptions is proof. Whatever the color of a child there are going to be problems. God has promised us that - read Genesis. I think too many of you try to manipulate your lives and others' lives thinking you know better than others or even God. I feel sorry for you. You will always be unhappy people. Try and be grateful for what God has put in your lives instead of being so miserable.

17. I agree with alessandra
Sat, Sep 25, 1999 - 9:03 AM/EST

Hi everyone, I am ailene. I haven't really weighed in yet, though I have been reading all of the previous posts. It seems that all of this waiting for an African American or biracial child whose a certain age and a certain sex, sort of leaves the point--if you want a child, and there are children available, adopt one! If you feel you must have children of specific races and/or a specific sex and age, and it doesn't coincide with the children in need of adoption in your area--perhaps you don't really want to adopt a child at all. Isn't part of the point of adoption--the fact that there are all these children out there in NEED of loving parents? My mother (an African American) cared for three small white boys ( brothers) for about 8 years. There mother was an alcoholic, and so every night, my mother took the three boys home, fed them dinner, fed them breakfast in the morning, and took them home just in time for school. (This was a special arrangement with the department of social services. My mother was asked to do this, so that there mother would not lose custody of her children.) There were many times when the boys weren't able to go home, because there mother was nowhere to be found, and during the many years that they were cared for by us, they really became a part of our family--we potty trained each of them, helped them with homework, etc. I know that having someone in your home for 14 hours at a time for 5 days a week isn't the same as having them live with you all the time, but over eight years we became pretty close.

My point is that if Alessandra and her partner have the love in their hearts needed to give to a child whose been abandoned by his/her biological parents for whatever reason, they should go ahead and do it! There is always an obstacle in the way, no matter what the issue.

Some people live to point out obstacles in their lives and in the lives of others.

18. Reality Check
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 2:21 PM/EST
elissa

Ailene,you are right. But, to adopt a child with special needs (this is the social service term for older white children, most children of color and children with disabilities)takes a lot of strength and a deeper level of commitment than parenting a more "traditional" child. To meet the best interest of the child, adoptive parents must be fully prepared.

I don't personally have the strength or resources to adopt just any child. Personally, I think that people like myself should be commended for knowing our limits. In fact, when we expressed an interest in special needs adoption, the department of welfare counseled us on what types of situations would be appropriate for our family. They recognize that people sometimes go into adoptions with rose colored glasses and end up with a child that doesn't fit. I'm not looking for perfect. But, what would I do with a child with severe behavioral problems that required that I often pick him up from school? Or, if I had a child that required around the clock medical care? How would I keep my job? If I lost my job, how would we manage? These are the types of things responsible families consider before adopting. You must know what your limits are. We have agreed to take a child with moderate to severe learning disabilities. This is something we feel we are able to help address. Another family may be able to parent a large sibling group, or an abused child, yet another family may be able to deal with a transracial adoption. Perhaps Alessandra is prepared for this.

I'm not a saint. I can't save the world, but I can adopt one child who does not have a home. That child will live in a happy, loving home with parents who are equipped emotionally and financially to meet his particular needs. I think that is a win-win situation. I'm sorry if everyone doesn't agree but, I most certainly don't need Alessandra's pity!

19. What do you think of bi-racial adoptions?
Sat, Oct 2, 1999 - 8:45 PM/EST

I agree with Artemis that it would be wonderful to live in a society where color, religion and ethnicity don't matter and that even though skin color is not an issue in our homes, it will be imposed on our children by the outside world. We have a biological bi-racial daughter and an African American adopted son, adopted 18 years ago while living in Texas. We went through Human Services. He was labelled "hard to place" due to learning disabilities, and race. He was 2-1/2 when we met him. I think he has more problems related to being adopted and behavioral difficulties. I think problems with behavior in school are compounded African Americans.

There have been countless times when as he was growing up and I went to school, etc., that children said "That's not your mother" or adults asked if I was babysitting. I always tried to reply with something like "I know he is so handsome, you could not believe he was my child" - something to focus on a positive aspect about him. I know growing up was difficult for him for many reasons.

We waited over a year before we were told a child was available, and this was at a time when the agency said that there was a desperate shortage for families to adopt Black and mixed race children. I asked the social worker if she thought it would be a problem for him growing up in our family, and she said it would be much easier than in an all-white family, and that there were not enough Black families available. We have tried to raise both our children to be proud of their heritage, and to always have lots of African American literature, magazines, etc. around. Plus, he has my husband who is African American as a role model and I see his problems stemming from inherited problems/disabilities that are the result of maternal drug abuse, etc. But, these have probably been compounded by having a White mother. I have no regrets about adopting him, and I do not think that he does either.