Topic #11. Why Is The Number of White Women/Black Men Relationships So Much Higher Than Black Women/White Men?
(Showing 8-22 of 33)

8. Read the message again
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 1:41 PM/EST
ravenc1

I repeat! my summary is of what i think some black men believe about dating a white women. Note i said some black men, not all. I know that some black men are sincere with their feelings and genuinely love whoever they choose to be with.

9. Response to ravenc1
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 4:12 PM/EST
britt

I agree with you, that for some black men, white women is the ultimate ideal, or whatever. It's like the movie "Jungle Fever," when Lonette McKee tells Wesley Snipes that he dated lighter and lighter until he got himself a white woman. I have also heard many black men say that black women are "too strong, too opinionated, too independent, too whatever..." and that white women will just do whatever they want, give them their credit cards, let them walk all over tham and not think twice. That is not all relationships, but I know this goes on a lot. That is one of the reasons I detest the stereotype of the "typical" black male/white female relationship, where she is rebelling against her parents and venturing into the exotic realm, and he is just looking for a bank and a free car. I have to disprove that a lot, and another stereotype is that the white one wants to be black and the black one wants to be white...nonsense. Well, maybe for some, but not for me, my boyfriend, or most of my friends.

10. Denial?
Tue, Sep 28, 1999 - 1:11 PM/EST

It is interesting to me that the majority of people posting are white women in interracial relationships or parents of biracial children seemingly wanting validation or feel the need to defend there relationships.

I have lived in a military town outside of Seattle for the last 10 years and interracial relations are very common here. Although I hate to generalize people, my experience has overwhelmingly been the same. I have had conversations with many white women, because of the work I do and have been inside the homes of many of these women as well as had some exposure to interracial relationships in my own family.

Now, I'm sure I will get verbally attacked for saying this but usually you find, broken black men with identity issues and white women who are rebelling or have been rejected by white men in these relationships. White women usually expect to be preferred and black men are looking to find something that isn't there. You heard Bill say it in the film, "black boys spend all there time trying to figure out how to bed a white woman", I don't agree with that statement (and know many brother's who'd disaggree too) but why would he say it?

After white women have kids with black men, how many white men would be willing to raise black or "bi-racial" children?

Prejudice is in all of us, more than any of us want to admit. Society's message has not changed much over the years, black still equals bad, ugly, inferior etc. and you have many of us still dealing with issues of self-hate and ignorance about our history and culture. In my opinion, we have too much work to do within our race to focus on relationships outside. We all know you must love yourself before you can love anybody else, don't be fooled ladies.

11. How To Make White Men Appealing To White Women
Wed, Sep 29, 1999 - 12:18 PM/EST

I do not believe some white women would seek out

black men if white men were kind, compassionate,

appealing, and loving to these women. Just because

white men are in power does not mean that they

should not be held accountable for their actions.

White women who seek out black men because of

white men inadequacies should get together and

confront white men about their behavior and/or

lack of appeal. I am sure that some white men

would make an effort to change if for no other

reason than to keep white women out of the

hands of black men.

12. Response to hill
Wed, Sep 29, 1999 - 2:29 PM/EST
britt

Do you honestly think that white men are THAT concerned with whether or not certain white women are interested in dating black men...enough to CHANGE THEMSELVES??? I think that is a bit naive. Men in general are comfortable and not interested in changing themselves just so a few women who didn't look at them before would give them a chance now...plus, I wouldn't date a guy if I knew he was only dating me to keep me "out of some black guy's hands."

13. Response to Britt
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 7:36 AM/EST

Yes, I do admit that I am naive as far as white

men are concerned. But I do know that the only

way to solve any problem is through honest

communication. Does it not bother you that

white men do not care about what you think? Maybe

if some white women would spend their energy and

time helping white men to become caring human

beings and less time running after black men, our

country and world might be a better place.

14. Resonse to hill
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 7:52 AM/EST
britt

Why do you think that white women "run after black men?" What about the other way around? Why is it white women's fault that there are interracial relationships? It takes two to tango, and I'm sure if black men were not interested, it would be a different story.

I do not happen to chase black men down and beg them to date me...if my boyfriend and I should happen to break up, I won't go running around town looking for my next black victim!

As I've said before, I have dated both white and black men, and will probably do so again.

Oh, and how do you think the shape of the country would change if there were not interracial dating?

15. Response to Britt #14
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 11:02 AM/EST

Before I answer the questions you raised, I most

comment on your seemingly total lack of concern

for the plight of white men. It is a fact that

most white men do not go outside of their race for

companionship. So who else but the white woman

can possibly help the white man to become a more

caring and compassionate human being. Now to

answer your questions. Question 1: Why do I think

white women run after black men? I did not say

white women, I said "some" white women.

Unfortunately, I have seen some white women make

shameful spectacles of themselves in their effort

to attract black men. I have even been approached

by white women asking me if I would help them find

black men to date. Question 2: What about black

men running after white women? You are correct

that some black men do run after white women. But,

I have never observed any noble reasons for the

chase. Question 3: Why is it white women's fault

that there are interracial relationships? I do

not perceive interracial relationships as a fault.

I was speaking about the white woman who dated

black men because white men had not been receptive

to her needs. Question 4: How do I think the

shape of the country would change if there were

not interracial dating? If white women, who date

black men because they are dissatisfied with the

treatment received by white men, put their energy

into improving the lot of white men who rule this

country, I believe the benefits for all of us

would be great. Black women are not thought of

too highly in this world. But, as a black woman,

I know that if a black man needs help in any area

of his life, there is a black woman who will be

there for him. I believe the most precious gift

that women bring to this planet is our compassion

and care for life. Women have a great

responsibility to impart these gifts to our boys

and men so we can create an environment where

these conversations will no longer be necessary.

16. response to hill #15
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 12:25 PM/EST
annetta

Hill, would I be right if I guessed that you

are just totally fed up with biracial dating,

or just black men/white women dating? I know

how you feel. I can understand people getting

together(all people)for companionship and what-

ever. But what I'm against, is going after any

race just because you think that you are going

to be any better off than you were before.

Example: I know a black woman who only dates

white men because she said black men don't know

how to treat women. I know a mexican guy who

only dates black women, because he says they

are better in bed. I know a white guy who dates

only black women because he says he likes the

contrast in skin color and the darker the better.

I know black men who only date white women for

for what they can get and vice versa, this is

what I'm talking about. I guess I'm against

the stereotypes. I know trying to find someone

is difficult, and if you meet a nice person and

they just happen to be another race well then

more power to you. But let that be the reason.

17. A black mans thought on the whole interracial subject.
Thu, Sep 30, 1999 - 12:53 PM/EST
britt

My name is Ken and I've been dating Britt for 3 yrs. I've been reading some of the questions raised about why black men date white women and the misconceptions that have been brought to the table. I just wanted to let some of the readers out there hear from one of those black men. Many times we hear how the whole fascination with BM/WW stems from the myth that all white women give us their credit cards and that we have identity issues. That is simply not true. I love black women as well as spanish,and also white. I think that black women are beautiful.Throughout my life I have dated a number of black women and have had some of the best relationships. I think that who you are and your preference of dating stems from first,your upbringing,and also it can have a lot to do with your surroundings.When I was growing up I hung out with both blacks and whites. We all got along fine. It wasn't until I started college that I discovered true racism. I have dealt with promotions handed to white men over me who didn't deserve it. I also have been demoted because the word was out thatI was dating someone white. I have many reason not to date outside of my race. I have evey reason to hate white people,and sometimes I do. But prejudiced people are everywhere. My relationships with women are based on trust, understanding and loyalty. Now let's get something undersood: I'm not saying a black woman can't give me those things but it just so happens that the woman I'm with does. I understand how a black woman can feel betrayed but I wish for once a black woman can look upon an interracial relationship and see past the old stereotypes and think that maybe those two are good for each other. There are many issues we as black men have to deal with and many obstacles we have to overcome,but the bottom line is that if people keep interfering with other people's lives just because it's not the life they choose than we will keep dealing with ignorance until the end of time.

18. Response to Annetta
Fri, Oct 1, 1999 - 8:40 AM/EST

Annetta, I am not fed up with biracial dating or

black men/white women dating. I am concerned,

however, that too many of these relationships get

started for the wrong reasons. These types of

continued relationships create a mindset that can

deprive these individuals of meaningful

relationships which build strong families and

communities.

19. Ken's response
Mon, Oct 4, 1999 - 4:49 PM/EST
kjsmama

Ken, thank you so much for expressing my thoughts clearly. I know that I did not go searching for a black man because something was missing from my relationships with whites or Latinos. I am with my black/mexican husband because he is my soul mate. We were meant to be together regardless of our skin color. I do have a lot to learn about the way he feels about being a minority living in America in 1999, but he also has a lot to learn about what it's like to be a woman in 1999 America.

Those of you who base your opinions about my relationship on what one of your friends told you are looking in the wrong place for answers. Every relationship is different and to say that WW like BM for a certain reason, or WM go after BW for a certain reason, are buying into old-school mentalities that should be put aside. Instead, let's look at the individuals and receive joy from their happiness.

PS: My husband and I were given a compliment I will remember always, that we were the reason friends of ours got married. We inspired them with our love and spirituality. That's what love is all about.

20. Response to Kjsmama #19
Tue, Oct 5, 1999 - 3:06 PM/EST

Why do you feel anyone was speaking about

you? I said "some" white women. I

said "some" white women/black men. You are

living in a dream world if you think the

majority of white women/black men relationships

are not created because of stereotypical ideas

and unmet relational needs within one's race.

My opinions on this issue does not come from

one friend. My opinions come from a broad range

of interactions with people of all races and in

many different settings. I have talked to

African-American men in my family as well as

throughout the black community. I am thought

of by many white women to be a friend they can

confide their true feelings to. What I said in

my previous posts were not meant to describe all

white women/black men relationships. However, I

believe too many of these relationships do little

more than to help tear an already fragile

black community apart with little to show for it

in the end but fatherless biracial children and

a white mother who has been ostracized from her

community looking for support from black women.

I do not believe Bill Sims' and Karen Wilson's

relationship is the norm. I also believe that

if Karen had insisted that Bill work, her

children would have also been fatherless. So,

if Bill left Karen and Karen had remained in

Marion, who do you think would have ended up

her support system? Most black women do not

mind helping these children or the mothers, but

we have already such a heavy load to carry. We

are struggling for our men who are not loving

themselves, their women, or their children as they

should. We are struggling for our children who

have very few male role models. We are struggling

for ourselves to be all we can be despite all of

the roadblocks that continue to mount up against

us. When I say that white women should not

enter into a relationship with a black man

frivolously, I am saying this because my whole

community could be affected by those choices.

21. Response to hill
Tue, Oct 5, 1999 - 5:49 PM/EST
britt

So, what would you suggest?

I was talking to a friend of mine about this same subject...she is black, and before she met me she didn't know any white women personally who dated black men. She did not agree with it because of the stereotypes, and she said it was fine if the couple was truly in love. My question to her, and now to you, is THIS: How will you know whether or not you're in love unless you date? You don't have to have sex, but unless you spend some time with that person, you won't know. And most people date each other because they are attracted to one another, right? Well, do you just think that there should be total segregation? That blacks should focus on black community and whites should focus on white community? Do you want to enforce once again the "one drop" rule and have all black, brown, yellow, or cream people stay away from the white people? I mean, what happened to trying to understand each other?

I am 100% for tearing down racial stereotypes and building up the black community, but I don't think that seperatism is the way to do that.

22. responding
Tue, Oct 5, 1999 - 10:16 PM/EST
eve

Britt, Well said. I think to know each other better we have to cross the line so to speak. Interacial relationships are probably the first step. Love is love,when you meet the right person it a great thing. We will never have strong communities for any race if we reamin seperate. It is a little world and people are people, and there have always been interacial couples and I think that it is a good thing. I was told once that the Bahai religion encourages the mixing of races, {though I may be mistaken} in hopes that our differences fade.