Topic #1. Introductions
(Showing 7-21 of 40)

7. Introduction
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 7:09 PM/EST
maxwell

To be honest, I am surprised to even find this sort of open discussion existing. My experience has been that many people don't even like talking about the subject. I have dated inter-racially, and to give some insight to chrissy and martina, I have found it difficult from others' point of view not mine. I think because I grew up on my own at such an early age, I found out that there really are good and bad in all people not matter where you go. I guess I joined this discussion group to learn more about the world around me, and to validate to myself the dream, that others would like to see children growing into adults that value differences, instead of perpetuating lies, and negativity toward others.

8. Intro
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 7:33 PM/EST
mauri

hi mauri here. i grew up in a middle/upper class (whatever that means these days)white family without much exposue to race and cultural issues. after finishing my undergrad i took off alone and traveled for a year in asia. i spent most of my time in india and nepal. it was on this journey that i became critically conscious. my eyes were opened and will never close again. i took a vow of simplicity and chose a social activist career path.a few years later i traveled to the west indies and stayed for 6 years, where i have been working with local NGOs coordinating and implementing a variety of adult literacy and women community programs. after my first year i fell in love with theo, a grenadian man and we have been together for the past 5 years. we plan to start a family in the very near future and we have chosen grenada as our home base. although love is our base there is still so much to think about and to explore in relation to our different racial, religious and cultural backgrounds. stumbling upon an american love story was a serendipitous experience for me as i had been putting a lot of energy into thoughts of theo and i's future. i was also thinking a lot about a recent comment made by an african canadian male friend. he said he could never see himself with a white woman and that he did not believe in interracial relationships. i did not respond but instead listened quietly. i guess i needed to think about it more in relation to him and his past. i look forward to listening more, as well as voicing within this discussion group. i look forward to this opportunity of growth.

9. Hi, all
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 8:37 PM/EST
antonia

Hi, Folks -

I guess I wanted to join this discussion because of feelings I've had a long time about how inter-racial and inter-cultural relationships are depicted. Our society expects them to be difficult. We, as individuals, believe our society and create problems for ourselves in our personal lives. At times I've wanted to just shout that it doesn't have to be that way. I'm supposedly "black." My husband is supposedly "white." These labels don't even have genetic significance. For all purposes except discrimination based on skin color, they have no meaning anymore.

We got engaged and the first time his family learned I was "black" was when they came to meet our flight and shook hands with me at the airport. Our friends, bosses, coworkers learned about our respective races in the same way. We didn't consult them in advance on that aspect. My family knew before they met him, but all they cared about was whether he was a decent man. He knew that and set out to prove himself. Therefore they embraced him fully.

Everyone came to our wedding: families, friends, coworkers. We had a wonderful time.

For 13 years we've lived where we want, gone where we want. If anyone had negative feelings about that, we haven't heard because we're just not open to people questioning us about our intimate lives and decisions. Oh. One of my "girlfriends" did make a negative remark privately at the wedding. I've had no contact with her since.

I believe what happens to us is largely a result of what we expect to happen and what we will permit in our lives. That has been my experience all 54 years of my life and all 13 years of our marriage. My husband and I love each other. Absolutely nothing can intrude on that.

Why does TV never do stories about people who DON'T have a particular problem so we can learn how their happiness was achieved?

Glad to read about all of you.

antonia

10. hello everyone
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 8:51 PM/EST

michael here. i have had to deal with the race issue all of my life. didn't mention these bits in my bio but - wow - here i go: i was born in the 50s' to an married italian mother who had an affair with my married black father in newark, nj. i've been told that she was a mother of 2 children, and i presume that her family thought that i was a product of their father, but it was apparent that i was NOT once i was born. my biological mother (whom i've never met) abandoned me. my dad and maternal mother (who is black) provided for me, my Mom accepting me as her own (she had had a son who passed 2 yrs. previously (pneumonia), and could not have another child). I welcome dialogue in this group that i have never had previously.

11. my goal
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 9:39 PM/EST

My goal in this dialogue is to hear experiences of others that are similar/different than my own, and how they have dealth with them.

I was touched by cicilys' experiences in college, as they parallel my own, and i continue to have them, even at the age of 47. In my travels in Europe, Middle and Far East, I have experienced little prejudice and racism. Most people outside of the US are more interested in you as a person, maybe your Nationality, but not your race.

12. Introduction
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 10:36 PM/EST
centrist

My name is CW. I am a 55 yr. old B/M in a committed relationship with a W/F. My major interest is to dialogue with other African Americans about prejudice against inter-racial couples. I am an attorney and my partner is a 50 yr. old psychologist. Our interests are virtually identical but our appearance together is discordant. I feel uneasy around both black and white, although it is easier to be in the white world. I am, however, beginning to notice discrimination for the first time although I think it has always been there. (I mean discrimination in the world in general as opposed to discrimination against inter-racial couples.) But the black on black prejudice, I find the most disturbing.

13. the other centrist
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 10:51 PM/EST
centrist

I am the other half of 'centrist'....the white female. CW and I have been in this relationship for over a year and we have a better, healthier relationship than I have experienced in my 50+ years. When I see him, I see my best friend....I see the man I love... I see the man who makes me laugh...I very seldom notice his color. (But when I DO see his color, I like what I see). And I see me as who I am 'inside'.....therefore I don't see what others apparently see...the stark contrast between our outside skin colors. I am interested in finding out what other couples experience. I know now, that to be in this relationship as a black person is a different experience than being in the same relationship as a white person. I personally believe that the way we will truly overcome prejudice is through one-on-one experiences with one another, not through some kind of official doctrine or actions.

14. To: Centrist
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 11:01 PM/EST

You said that it is easier for you to be in the white world. Can you say more about that? What kind of community did you grow up in? You and your wife are both professionals; do you think this might bridge some gaps?

And, anyone can respond to this: How much does socioeconomic class play into our comfort with others? Is SES (socioeconomic status) more or less important than race? (Of course, this is a loaded question and not intended to elicit a definite answer.)

15. Introductions
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 11:20 PM/EST
sixtiesgirl

There are so many interesting postings to read, I hope I'm not repeating what has been said, but I wonder if anyone has talked about "reverse racism?" I was in the 5th grade when my school began to bus in ghetto black kids and most the white kids were sent to private schools. I spent fifth grade being the only white girl in the school and was beaten up, cursed at -- etc. Both my parents were active in civil rights at the time and my mother played Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech until it was near worn out. I watched the Nigerian segment (Cicely's trip) and observed the black students' fierce separate but equal arguments -- they just wanted to be with "People they were comfortable with" Isn't that what segregation was to begin with? I notice that nobody will talk about black hatred toward whites -- and that has been my own experience. That's it for me for now. Thanks.

16. To Amaia
Wed, Sep 15, 1999 - 11:23 PM/EST
centrist

I believe that socio-economic groupings are very important, particularly in the white world. However, I think there is a bigger practical issue. There is always the image of one escaping from the black community and by that act of perceived escape symbolically condemn everyone in the black community. Cicily was not free to fight back against Carleton in a one on one dispute because the act of talking back to him, somehow became a symbolic act of disloyalty. There is little freedom for a black person either in the white world and the black world. Socio-economic buffers do not work as well in a situation like that. (I am becoming somewhat tongue-tied and cannot clearly express what I mean, so I will have to leave it up to you to interpret and if you are way off the mark of what I meant, I will tell you.)

17. Introduction
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - /EST
stevie

The scoop: I was born in OH '70, raised in Guyana, moved to St. Louis in '78, then to CA, then to MA for college in '88. Met my wife who's a New England native. Got married in '95, moved to PA where my wife got another Bachelor's, new daughter '97, moved to MD '97, bought a house; I started and finished grad school'98-'99 and now the big questions face me. "knowing what I know now would I marry again?"

Before I answer that let me tell you that I'm from an upper-middle class background, my wife from middle class. In the States I've primarily known caucasians. Ironically I met more black people while at Amherst College than at any other time. Maryland was an interesting culture shock too. There are a lot of black folks here. I realise that I haven't told you, I'm quite black, my wife quite white (I'm smiling as I write this because it's rather funny to think of us in terms of being an interracial couple.) Hmmm...

Anyway would I marry someone who was not from my racial/educational/class background again? Yes.

I recall being told that in the West Indies being of mixed race is a non-issue. What folks were trying to tell me is that, yes, there you are absolutely aware of race, and when the chips are down it matters. The interesting thing is that discrimination tends to play out across class lines first rather than colour. There is no question of an interracial relationship "not working" simply because of racial concerns. We were Guyanese first, not some hyphenated something.

Race has been a nonissue for my wife and me. To Chrissy's question of, "Is it worth the time and effort?" and in response to Centrist's "very seldom noticing" her partner's colour, my wife is a white person, our daughter is biracial. These things are acknowledgeable immutable truths.

Yes, it's worth the time an effort to be married, period-but only if both parties are mature enough to make the relationship a place of refuge, solace, strength, and, lastly, of love.

18. to amaia
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - /EST
antonia

You said:

And, anyone can respond to this: How much does socioeconomic class play into our comfort with others? Is SES (socioeconomic status) more or less important than race? (Of course, this is a loaded question and not intended to elicit a definite answer.)

Yes, I also feel it's a loaded question. Because of the need to take a stand against societal racism, blacks have felt the need to shy away from the obvious -- that there are differences among us. There was a time when white society behaved fairly decently toward what was called the "talented tenth" while grinding less fortunate blacks into the ground. At times I find it as irksome as racist attitudes, though. Anyone remember the shock expressed, even by news people, at the learned and articulate black panel who showed up in Anita Hill's defense? They talked as if a new species had been discovered. What an insult to the "black" race. We have every kind of person among us, just like all other races. One day we'll be able to celebrate that rich diversity, I hope.

To answer your question, I've learned to be comfortable with almost anyone by putting myself in the other persons' shoes, even extreme ones. Might I be a racist if I'd been raised in a KKK family? Might I resent other blacks if I thought they felt superior to me? Maybe. Mind you, I won't let anyone dump their neurosis on me, but I honestly feel it's institutionalized unfairness that really has to be fought. Individually, scratch the surface of a staunch racist, sexist, anti-semite, homophobe, etc. of any color or nationality and my belief is you'll find a person hurting. If they're open, I try to relate to the inner person and sometimes have ended up with a friend.

19. introductions
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - 1:04 AM/EST
chuck

Hey all, Chuck here. Growing up in a racially diverse family, i shared the same feelings as Cicily. When amongst family i felt grounded, at home, colorless. When out in society i saw race come into play more. Having explored this and related issues for some time now ( about 12yrs) locally, i was excited to find PBS and this forum. Im looking forward to honest, caring and learning exchanges and maybe even a friend or two along the way

20. Introductions
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - 10:40 AM/EST
medusa9

I am a 35 year old Jewish, single female. I am interested in the issues being discussed, as I have recently been in a relationship with a Southern black man. The relationship broke up over issues that were not culturally related. However, I did wrestle with my own notions of my religious and generational history. I was very concerned with the identity issues the children would face, even though I am a very open person, being an artist, and live in New York City.

It seems to me that people still must choose the communities they live in with care, as there is still a lot of racism in this country and in this City. I have encountered prejudice as a Jewish woman and I saw very clearly how my boyfriend was treated unfairly, having dark skin. I was the first Jewish person he has ever met, which reminds one of the existence of small communities, even in places like Virginia. His family was very accepting of me. My friends and family who are of my age/generation were accepting of him but my father was shocked. I know my father would have come around, if this was my choice, but acceptance would have been difficult.

21. Introductions
Thu, Sep 16, 1999 - 11:15 AM/EST

hi all

I am interested in the way we relate to each other. While the construct of "race" is false it has been used effectively to determine who is "in" and who is "out" all over the world!

I come from a very typical middle class Black Southern family:

my father & his siblings are so fair-skinned, my son insisted (for his first five years) that Poppa was white. I have mistaken my aunts for "white women". My great-grandfather (white) married a mulatto woman & raised their children as coloreds (sounds like South Africa). My father was & is a staunch Civil Rights activist because of the absured treatment he received (his father could enter through the front door of a restaurant, he couldn't).

My mother's family is Black & very well educated. My maternal grandmother & all of her siblings were college graduates. My maternal grandfather was also a college graduate, a school principal, a farmer, & the most highly-educated and powerful man in his community. He briefly joined the communist party in the '30s when he thought the party would help him and his people.

My siblings & I were raised in the tradition of so many families like ours - piano lessons, dance lessons, travel, the right social clubs, & we integrated the local elementary school over the protest of many in the school district. Much was expected of my generation (we were upholding the race).

I find that I am very comfortable with any race, any culture, anyone except those who refuse to open their minds. I have a 16 year old son who has friends from all races, cultures, socio-econ backgrounds. He attends a magnet school at a predominately black high school. He feels more comfortable with those of his own socio-econ class, yet he is determined to "get along with everyone". Most of his close school friends are Asian Indian, caucasian, & Japanese-American, although his "best friends" are two African-American boys. I will soon discuss his issues with dating & my husband's views.