Topic #20. Opposing seeing Others in interracial relationships--or being a hypocrite
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1. Opposing seeing Others in interracial relationships--or being a hypocrite
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 9:09 PM/EST

Does anyone else have this problem--really, this issue? I've been

in an interracial relationship for three years now, and yet whenever I

see a brother dating or involved with a white woman, it

upsets me. Not to the point that I'll be angry, but a little part of

me says, "what's wrong with a black woman--or even me?"

I can't explain why I feel this way, nor do I find it logical since I

chose to be involved and (advocate, if you will) interracial

relationships. Any takers on why this may be? Could anyone relate to

this?

2. The crusade of all crusades.
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 10:01 PM/EST
anthony

davorah,

your post is interesting because I kind of felt a little of what you're describing. When you see a BM and WF together, do you think that one of the parties has ulterier motives? In other words, do you buy on to the idea that the WF is some sort of status symbol? That could be what upsets you. I am a bit repulsed by the idea that someone from another race could be a status symbol, with God making us all equal.

I've said before that I really don't see any thing wrong with IRs, but not ever being in that situation for a lasting relationship, personal experience isn't really on my side. However, sometimes I wonder why people would want to put that kind of burden on their shoulders. Understanding some of our capitalistic, greedy world, I can see the economic reasons for those possessed by money. With other people, I think that they do it because it is something to stand up and fight for even if their mate isn't quite right. People can be driven solely by the difficulty to make it work. I'm sure it is rewarding experience to make an IR work, but do some people get sidetracked by just that?

3. I have the same problem!
Thu, Sep 23, 1999 - 8:44 PM/EST
blackwoman

I am so glad you said that because I find myself in a similar situation, but reluctant to talk about it with anyone. I ask the same question...Do BM see WW as being better than BW? I almost take it as an insult everytime I see the BM/WW combination, yet I am in an IR relationship myself. And it's so silly because it's not like B and W people are the only colors of people on this earth. I REALLY hate that I feel this way because it does make me a hypocrite. I always have to tell myself that it is really none of my business, but what if I find myself in a situation where I would have to confront my feelings?

I think perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I see a higher percentage of BM/WW IRR's than the other way around. I don't think that I would have as strong a feeling if the numbers were more balanced. There is also the fact that the number of BM who (forgive the statement) would generally be considered good dating material/lifetime mates is not exactly at an all-time high. Then you see them, BM...especially financially stable BM, choosing mates outside their race. What are we as BW supposed to do?...put our love lives on hold waiting for a brotha to grow up and be a man? Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type who wants a man to take care of my every waking need and I don't consider myself to be too materialistic either; but, I do want someone who is going to carry his weight. I am speaking totally for myself when I say it's like if you are a BW headed down a professional career path, you almost end up having to look outside your race for a good mate or else you'll end up with someone who, feeling threatened by your goals, tries to "bring you down a peg or two".

I suppose I feel anger toward BM for somehow putting me in this position and because it feels like they are "selling out" in a major way. I also feel anger toward WW because it feels a bit like they are being greedy.

Okay, please don't shoot me for what I just said.

4. Appreciate Honesty
Thu, Sep 23, 1999 - 10:59 PM/EST
wheatongirl

I have never been involved in a biracial relationship, nor am I in one at present. I have absolutely no qualms about people dating others from different ethnicities. But, I just wanted to thank you all for your honesty in sharing on this issue. It definitely reflects a maturity and humility that is very hard to find these days! God bless.

5. controversy
Thu, Sep 23, 1999 - 11:49 PM/EST
robin

I think it's great that you've opened up something that is probably going to spark controversy (so far, we've all been preachin' to the choir for the most part).

I was surprised to read your posts (davorah and blackwoman). I had always assumed that anyone in an IR was accepting of all IR (never assume anything). I truly appreciate your honesty and I have to be equally as honest in my reply. I do think it is a bit hypocritical of you to be involved with what I assume are good white men and to fault white women for being with good black men. Yes, I know that this system makes it very difficult for black men to succeed on a many levels therefore limiting the pool of decent husbands and fathers (thinking long term). In the total population, something like 1 out of every 2 marriages ends in divorce so I'm going to jump to a conclusion, a good man is hard to find, period.

Do you feel that you were driven to white men because white women have taken all of the good black men? If that's the case, I would like to hear some of your history in regards to the relationships you've had or haven't had with black men.

To go a step further, the elite of this country love to keep things the way that they are. What better way to do that than to keep the entire population divided? Let propaganda perpetuate these myths that white women take all of the good black men, that black women have to turn to white men because there's nothin' else left. Even when they're coming together, make sure that we plant the ideas in their brains that by loving eachother their abandoning their race, that they really don't love themselves, sellouts. Tell the white woman that she must be a slut for being with a black man or that she's not good enough to get a white man. Fill their heads with all of this crap and make sure that the people will never come together.

6. in response to all
Fri, Sep 24, 1999 - /EST

Wow!I thought that i'd be blasted for putting forth such

"subversive ideas!I thank all of you for empathizing and responding.

Anthony:I do believe that White woman are seen as the standard of

beautyjust look around you-tv..etc-That particular issue reminded me

of another closely related one.That is, do i attract both white/black,

any man due to my close proximity (hair, color, features)to the white

beauty standard?That issue always bothered me when Iwas younger-and

still to an extent.This problem seems worse than the jealousy issue,

since the way I look contributes to that standard of beauty,and I'm

not sure if I want to be included there-yet what is the alternative?

7. "
Fri, Sep 24, 1999 - /EST

testing

8. in response to Robin
Fri, Sep 24, 1999 - 11:43 PM/EST

I apologize for my multiple and quasi-unclear postings (the later

ones)I had difficulty in posting my responses...so here goes.

Actually, I was "driven" to a white man who happened to be a

good friend of mine for two years before we started teh relationship.

Basically I only dated Black men and my preference was black men.

Yet, I found that through essentializing my preference--look only for

black men, I was ignoring/literally overlooking a person who happens

to be what I believe to be my soul mate (going on three years and

counting). If this relationship happens to fall apart then I plan to

date whomever I click with emotionally/psychologically, etc. Although

race is an issue, it won't be the one determining factor as to whether

I will date or not date a person.

To be honest Robin--I've been trying to get at teh root of my feelings

toward white women with black men. I acknowledge teh hypocrisy, yet I

still don't understand the why and how I came to feel this way. To be

honest, I feel much better knowing that others like blackwomen also

feel the same way...at least i'm not alone... Although it's unfair to

say, when I usually see such mixed relationships I usually assume that

it's the opposite race purposely looking for someone outside of their

race to date. That I find a problem with in general.

For the reasons stated above...Though I do appreciate your response,

and your view on this situation.

9. To blackwoman
Fri, Sep 24, 1999 - 11:53 PM/EST

I will try to recreate what I tried to post over and over again last

night--Blackwoman: I feel you girl, I hear you. Infact I think that we

must wear the same shoe size because I've walked in those same

Isotoner slippers--and they are worn out! I'm just thankful that I'm

not alone in feeling this way! Though I can't say that I feel any ill

will to black men (even those who specifically seek to only date white

women--after all, I suppose those type of fella's probably wouldn't be

able to appreciate a black woman's attitude/features, etc if he

deliberately seeks woman outside his race for romance) Thanks for

your response!

P.s. I quasi answered some of your queries in the response to robin--I

just melded the two together so that I could insure that at least one

message would get posted.

11. For robin cont'd
Sat, Sep 25, 1999 - 8:02 AM/EST
blackwoman

...I've changed a lot, obviously. Now my focus is just on being happy. So, it's not to say that all my relationships with BM were terrible experiences and therefore I now make an effort to date WM just to get back at BM. Some were bad, but generally we (BM and I) have not "clicked" on some level the way I could/can with WM...not enough to be involved in an intimate relationship. Gosh, I could write a book, but that's part of how I feel.

I am engaged to a WM, but if I were looking for a companion, then yes, I do feel that BM/WW relationships are yet another factor that is making it more difficult for BW to find BM as companions...and that is spreading to more socieoeconomic levels than just the middle to upper-middle classes and above. Also, I think whereas before the BM/WW IRR's became widespread, love between BM and WW happened more, I guess, spontaneously. Now, I think that BM have in a way sent/are sending a signal that they are ready and willing, and WW in response have become more aggressive in openly seeking out BM as mates. This is another way of explaining what I said earlier about my feelings when I see BM with WW. I contend that BW should hear the wake-up call and, if they so desire, do the same and stop pushing away potentially good mates because of old-fashioned taboos that don't apply to us presently. I think that's all I'm saying.

Now that I've answered some of your questions, let me ask you this: What do you think about the fact that most of the prominent BM (those most often seen in the news, magazines, movies, etc.)in the US and in other countries are with WW or as close to W as they can possibly get? Just to add a note, I'm just waiting to see who Tiger Woods chooses to date publically ;-)

12. For robin cont'd
Sat, Sep 25, 1999 - 8:14 AM/EST
blackwoman

...I've changed a lot. Now my focus is just on being happy. So, it's not to say that all my relationships with BM were terrible experiences and therefore I now make an effort to date WM just to get back at BM. Some were bad, but generally BM and I have not clicked on some level the way I can with WM...not enough to be involved in an intimate relationship. Gosh, I could write a book, but that's part of how I feel.

I am engaged to a WM, but if I were looking for a companion, then yes, I do feel that BM/WW relationships are yet another factor that is making it more difficult for BW to find BM as companions...and that is spreading to more socieoeconomic levels than just the middle classes and above. Also whereas before, love between BM and WW happened more, I guess, spontaneously, now I think that BM have in a way sent/are sending a signal that they are ready and willing, and WW in response have become more aggressive in openly seeking out BM as mates. I contend that BW should hear the wake-up call and, if they so desire, do the same and stop pushing away potentially good mates because of old-fashioned taboos that don't apply to us presently. I think that's all I'm saying. My concern here is mostly for BW who may lose out by making the same mistake I made and for those BW who I can tell you right now are taking this BM/WW thing to heart as a negative against BW. If feel we as BW need to stop absorbing so many of these negatives that society is throwing at us and start being more proactive in attaining happiness in our lives.

Now that I've answered some of your questions, let me ask you this: What do you think about the fact that most of the prominent BM (those most often seen in the news, magazines, movies, etc.)in the US and in other countries are with WW or as close to W as they can possibly get? Just to add a note, I'm just waiting to see who Tiger Woods chooses to date publically ;-)

13. For robin (first part..I type so much and this edit didn't go exactly as planned)
Sat, Sep 25, 1999 - 8:31 AM/EST
blackwoman

First let me say that I'm happy you've found love, and that I don't wish anyone to be without it. And I don't feel any ill feelings toward you personally. These are just things that I think about...being a psych major, I analyze just about everything...=)

It's interesting that you ask if I feel I've been "driven" to WM. I suppose I brought that on myself when I said earlier that it's like I feel resentment toward BM for "putting me in this position", but that is not the complete picture for me. For some reason, it has usually always been WM who have shown serious interest in me and who I've been attracted to in return. I can remember my father telling me when I was a little girl that he could tell I had a thing for WM. A classmate in high school told me he wouldn't be surprised if I married a WM. In fact, when I was a freshman in college and still dating my highschool sweetheart (BM), another student (WM) with whom I had become good friends and who I knew had more than just a casual interest in me (the feeling was mutual)came right out and asked me why I stayed with my HS sweetheart because he could take care of me better. Huh! I wish I had given him a chance to try, but at the time I was trying to stay within my own race no matter what the cost--cost meaning staying in a relationship which did not feel quite right or just trying to make a relationship work that was hurtful and hopeless. That student eventually found another student to date (WW), but still cared for me right up until graduation after which we have not seen each other again. I lost him because of my beliefs at the time that I should stay within my race if nothing else, for the sake of preservation...

14. To blackwoman in response to the response to Robin (cont part?)
Sun, Sep 26, 1999 - 11:16 PM/EST

About the Tiger Woods issue, I think it's important to mention that he

doesn't classify himself as only black...if you recall in an

interview (years ago, I can't even recall which

publication), he stated that he used to call himself "Caublacasian" or

"Cablasian" something to the extent of including all three races in

his background (Caucasian, Black, and Asian). Therefore, how would

that complicate the dating issue? Or, will the little bugger stay

forever single, thus never fulfilling anyones expectations? ( I hope

not, he's such a cutie!)

15. For davorah
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 5:29 AM/EST
blackwoman

Hmmm...that's interesting. No, I hadn't heard that he chooses to call himself caublasian<---hehe. I do remember and incident when he was first getting noticed where another golfer asked him where his "greens and corn bread" were.

16. why white women?
Mon, Sep 27, 1999 - 5:55 PM/EST
robin

I don't know if I can agree that the most prominent black men in the country and in the world are paired with white women. I think that we just tend to notice it more than we notice a same race couple. I would really like to find some statistics on successful black men and who they are married to.

Also, to say "as close to white as he can possibly get" is not really fair to what I'm taking to mean black women who "act white" (whatever that means) or who have lighter skin, more caucasian features (through no choice or fault of their own).

A lot of successful black men do seek white women, though. Why? Because being white in America is the best thing to be (as far as privledge goes). Let's wake up. If black women want BM to stay with only BW, complaining about BM/WF relationships isn't going to stop them. America was founded on racism and sexism and everyone is trying to assilmilate to it. We're all trying to get the house and the car and keep up with the Joneses. As a country we're lacking a collective consciousness to change anything.

People forget that it takes more than complaining to get things done. It takes a lot of work and sacrifice. We talk about police brutality and environmental racism, but how many of us have gone to rallies, written letters to congress, boycotted texaco? You may not think that this has anything to do with personal relationships, but when a system systematically keeps a people down of course success with be equated with the people that are elevated- in this case white people.

I don't think that the majority of black men who are with white women are actively thinking it will be a symbol of success. I think that if and when it is there it is subconscious.

For the record, I do think that a black man can love himself and his race, be proud of his heritage and his family and still be in love with a white woman.

17. For robin
Wed, Sep 29, 1999 - 5:00 AM/EST
blackwoman

Why do you say "complaining" and "it takes hard work and sacrifice"? Are you referring to BW being lazy or otherwise somehow responsible every time a BM decides to date outside his race? I only see people giving their opinions on topics, which is the point of this whole dialogue, I thought. Or maybe we BW should just stay silent, especially when we are not conceding to what someone else thinks is righteous? Also, I really don't see my comment, "as close to White as he can get", as not being fair to anyone. I've been said to act "too white" before and depending on who I was with at the time, it's been said that I have "caucasian features" in my case, light-skin...that's just everyday life for people of color...no need to tip-toe around the point.

Anyway, who said anything about a Black man not loving his own race just because he's dating a WW? Or, that BM equate WW to a symbol of success? I think perhaps you are thinking that way, or you are confusing me with jewel in one of the other topics. The point of my statements was that I would like to see the IRR situation more balanced. It would be ridiculous for us (BW) to go around trying to stop someone from dating whomever they please. I do think, however, that BW should feel liberated enough to date outside our race when and if we chose to and to accept love even if it does come from a man who is not B. Perhaps, judging from your statements, you find it hard to believe that some B parents, like some W parents, also go to lengths to "protect" their daughters from dating WM, including filling our heads with taboo and myth about what it says about you if you date a WM.

To put it in your words, I also think that a Black woman can still love herself and her race, be proud of her heritage and her family and still be in love with a White man.

18. allow me to clarify...
Wed, Sep 29, 1999 - 8:03 PM/EST
robin

Talk about taking things out of context. First of all, I never conceded that black men see ww as a symbol of success or that successful BM date WW. That was your claim in the question that you posed to me. "What do you think about the fact that the most prominent black men...are with white women?" What were you inferring with that question?

What I would like to see erased are these notions that IR are not right, and a lot of BW feel that way (so do BM, WM and WW). The only way that this is ever going to happen is for society to become more balanced. I was not claiming that BM go for WW because BW are lazy, that is ridiculous. When I talk about hard work- I mean the work that lies ahead for all of us who are looking for a more egalitarian world, a world where people don't look at IR as something that is wrong. As of now, no matter how many successful black people there are in the country, there are still serious flaws with the judiciary system. I'm sure I don't have to tell you about racial profiling, the uneven application of capital punishment, mandatory drug sentencing, the discrepancies in the school systems, etc. I am talking about making fundamental changes in society, changes that will allow us all to be liberated enough to date whomever we want and not be made to feel like we are abandoning our heritage or betraying some unwritten code. (Understand that I do not feel this way, but I know many people do.)

I'm curious as to what made you think that i don't understand that some black parents don't want their children to date white people? There is no doubt in my mind that some black parents are abhorred by the thought. Prejudice works all ways and it is always unfair and dangerous.

19. for blackwoman cont.
Wed, Sep 29, 1999 - 8:11 PM/EST
robin

I think, in essence, you and I share a lot of the same opinions. I agree that BW should wake up and if they so desire stop pushing away potentially good mates. Maybe you can explain to me why some black women take BM/WW relationships to heart as a negative against BW. I have some ideas, but I would like to hear your perspective. (you, too, davorah) Also, why do you think that IRs are so unbalanced- more BM/WW relationships and not the reverse?

20. For robin--I'm glad you took the time to clarify
Fri, Oct 1, 1999 - 4:09 AM/EST
blackwoman

I'm glad you took the time to explain yourself because, to me, it appeared as if you were casting a shadow on what I had to say. I don't feel that I'm complaining, and if you think I am, then that says to me that you really aren't interested in my true opinion, so what's the use of talking. I do not think that you were justifying the notions you mentioned above, but why did you bring them up? They don't reflect my opinion on the situation. I think you assumed that that's where I was coming from. Personally, I think the fact that BM who have achieved some amount of success are more likely to be involved in BM/WW relationships partly because, the more success you achieve, the fewer B people you encounter in your everyday life. So, instead of remaining isolated or lonely in trying to wait for another compatible woman who is B, why not open yourself up to IRR's? This is how I feel partly as well. I'm not going to put my love life on hold just because of the lifestyle I am aiming for...materialistically, but most importantly, spiritually.

As far as my "claiming" something with my question, that is not where I'm coming from either. I asked you because I have never heard a WW's opinion on the matter...and you still really have not answered the question. Up until now, I've discussed this with other BW who agree with what I said earlier. I don't think it is just a visibility issue, either.

21. For robin, cont'd
Fri, Oct 1, 1999 - 4:13 AM/EST
blackwoman

In all my life, there are only about 6 BW/WM IRR couples that I have seen. All the others involved BM and WW, of which there have been many. I am not alone in noticing this, although I speak for myself when I say the IRR situation is unbalanced. It is even reflected in the media. Take a look at commercials, for example. When you see IRR's potrayed in commercials or in the media in general, how often do they involve BW/WM or BW with any other race besides B? Again, I can count that number just about on one hand, whereas BM/WW IRR's seem to be the norm. PBS's "America's Greatest Love Story" is just another example of what I'm talking about. When you sit down and really think about it, what do you think of this?

22. Why would a BW take BM/WW IRR's to heart as a negative?
Fri, Oct 1, 1999 - 5:19 AM/EST
blackwoman

Why wouldn't a BW take it to heart as a negative when she sees BM/WW relationships? What are the first thoughts that come to your mind during the rare times when you might see a WM dating or married to a BW? I know from personal experience that some WW who I also see are involved with BM don't like to see me with my fiance just as I sometimes feel that resentment when I see BM/WW IRR's. We're all human, so I think no matter what race you are, you'll find others who share at least similar feelings about similar situations, whether they admit to them or not. I think it has something to do with not knowing how to deal with new situations. To overcome these feelings, there has to be a desire to gain insight, patience, some kind of spritual revelation...whatever.

You seem like a politically active person. Let me say that I agree that our "system" of working needs a tune-up. Yes, changes have to come about within the people who create this "system". Let me say also that I don't think in terms of my trying to bring about major changes in our sytem or in the world, although I commend those who do commit their life's energy to just causes. Where would we be without the brave people who fight for civil rights? Still, I focus more on my own small part of life. That may sound selfish, but I've decided that the best contribution I can make to easing contraversy around IRR's is to live my life according to what I've been saying in these dialogues. I'm applying to another part of my life what I've learned in church. Not everyone has a chance or is even able to read the Bible. Sometimes you are the only Bible they will see, and your action's should reflect your beliefs, thus communicating what you are about. From that, let other people decide how they are going to react to you. I enjoy comparing and contrasting my views vs. someone else's views, but I can't see myself spending energy trying to change anyone's ideas about IRR's...not for too long anyway.

23. to blackwoman...
Fri, Oct 1, 1999 - 4:56 PM/EST
robin

I don't think that I've given you any indication that I don't want to hear what you have to say, if it came accross that way, then I apologize. I am interested in your perspective and that's why I asked you your opinion on why so many black women resent BM/WW relationships (even when they are involved in IR). You seem to think that most people women (whether black or white) feel as you do when it comes to seeing men of their race date outside of that community. For me, that is absolutely not the case at all. I have always been happy to see IR, no matter if BW/WW, WM/BW or any other mix. I'm a little offended to hear you say that we share similar feelings on this situation whether we admit it or not. The more IR couples I see, it feels more to me as if more and more people are accepting it and I honestly don't care if the man is white and the woman is black- god bless.

I am a little confused as to what it is exactly that you are asking me. I have tried to answer all your questions and if there is something on your mind that I haven't responded to, please bring it up.

Finally, as for the portrayal of IR in the media, I don't know what you've been watching or reading, but I hardly see any representation of IR. That's one reason why I felt that ALS was so poignant. It actually acknowledges the fact that couples like us exist. Mainstream TV and films, once in a great while will feature IR couples. Off hand, I can think of ER (BM/WW), that movie with Wesley Snipes (not Jungle Fever)(BM/WW BM/AW), and the Jeffersons (WM/BW)- big deal. I'm taking whatever I can get from hollywood and the major networks when it comes to IR. I also think that major corporations still feel that it is too risky to use advertisments that contain IR. So, when you consider what is portrayed as the norm in the media- it is evidently not IR. It is clearly middle class America- white family, black family (and their token friend of either race).

24. to blackwoman cont.
Fri, Oct 1, 1999 - 5:04 PM/EST
robin

I think that I've been missing part of your argument all along. Hopefully, I've gotten a little insight. I think that a lot of black women want to date only black men and aren't interested in any other race- on a romantic level. (because of history, taboo, culture, etc.) This accounts for some of the discrepancies between the numbers of BM/WW and WM/BW couples. Does this notion contribute to the resentment factor that BW feel towards BM/WW relationships? (almost like saying - "You're good enough for us, but we're not good enough for you?!!")

If this thinking does exist how does it effect how some black women treat you when they learn of your involvement with a white man?

25. For robin
Sat, Oct 2, 1999 - 8:51 PM/EST
blackwoman

I'm afraid I can only give my opinion about why I sometimes resent seeing BM/WW IRR's. Since this is really the first time I've seen someone else (davorah) who is in my same situation say something about it, I really can only guess why so many other BW resent it. Yes, I do think that there are many other women B and W who inwardly feel as I do, which is why it was a bit of relief for me when davorah brought up the topic. I'm glad that you do not to feel the same way, and I'm sorry that you feel that I was pointing that finger at you, but it is hard to admit it if you do.

As far as the media, I'm not talking just about in-depth portrayal, like ALS. I'm talking about every instance in which you see BM and WW characters who are obviously couples. I'm not saying that you are going to see a full-length sitcom featuring an IRR couple, but every time there is a glimpse of one, it is usually between a BM/WW. You are right, the occurrences are not going to jump out at you, but I think you'll see what I'm talking about.

26. For robin, cont'd
Sat, Oct 2, 1999 - 8:56 PM/EST
blackwoman

From my own observances, when the media does go so far as to show even a glimpse of an IRR couple, it is usually a BM/WW couple, thus indicating subconsciously, subliminally, whatever, that BM/WW IRR's are the norm when and if you enounter such a couple. I think you hit it right on the head when you said, "[ALS] actually acknowledges the fact that couples like us exist." Right, couples like you, BM/WW. I agree that any indication of acceptance, acknowledgement of IRR's is a step in the right direction. But, I have to admit that I get tired of the same old story/scenario. Don't get me wrong, there are some independent films, B movies, etc. that I've seen, but I think generally BW/WM IRR's are simply ignored.

Maybe this is another reason that has to do with why I feel resentment at seeing BM/WW IRR's...not directed at the actual couple, but at our society. When I asked the opinion of some other BW I talk with over the net about ALS and this whole dialgue thing they watched some episodes, looked at some of the dialogues and felt the same way...same old tired story. It's like this supposed acceptance of IRR's is going to trickle down the way "tolerance" always does, i.e. the already-privileged get the first privileges, and B women remain, as ever, unseen. This is truely the only reason I'm here, to stand up and be counted. If another woman sees my comments and feels relief or some kind of grounds to resolve any conflicting issues she may have, then I'm satisfied.

Yes, there have been other BW who have indicated their dislike of my choice of men, but I'm feeling that they are not coming from anyplace too different from anyone who is just not going to like seeing me date a WM.