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Topic #6. What do people look for in a partner?
(Showing 1-5 of 5)

1. What do people look for in a partner?
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 4:37 PM/EST

The things that are most important to me in a partner are shared interests. I don't necessarily want someone who is exactly like me, but it helps, at least in the beginning, if we have something in common. Race can be one of those things, but I'm more likely to be interested in other geeks, other poly people, other gamers, and other pagans.

I'm a 29-year-old bisexual, polyamorous Black woman. I haven't had a whole lot of relationships in my life, but the one thing they all have in common is that they have been with people who were in my social circle. In high school, I hung out with Black women who listened to Duran Duran, INXS, and other "White" bands, and my first girlfriend was a Black woman from this group. Since college, I've spent most of my time with a net-savvy, alternative-lifestyle-inclined, science-fiction fan crowd, and my partners: one woman and two men, have all been people I met directly or indirectly through this group. Most of these people are White, and my choice of partners has reflected this.

I'm sure there are people who are looking for an exotic "other" in a partner, but I'd guess that especially at the point of marriage, people want more than that. Am I just incredibly idealistic, to believe that most people in interracial relationships are there because of the person and not the color?

2. What do people look for in a partner? Reply
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 8:56 PM/EST
criamama

Darkrose, I feel your assumption on relationships is correct. Relationships built on two people and their shared dynamics will strong and can stand the tests of time. I can't see how a relationship built strictly on color has much chance of developing, much less lasting. You're on target, geek girl!

3. What do people look for in a partner? Reply
Mon, Sep 20, 1999 - 8:59 PM/EST
criamama

Darkrose, I feel your assumption on relationships is correct. Relationships built on two people and their shared dynamics will strong and can stand the tests of time. I can't see how a relationship built strictly on color has much chance of developing, much less lasting. You're on target, geek girl!

4. what do people look for in a partner?
Tue, Sep 21, 1999 - 7:44 AM/EST
c

On one level there is the looking: are they attractive, do they look like they are physically active, are we going to be spending all of our time watching the TV? Are they tall enough that I can kiss them without breaking my back?...

On other levels there is my daughter. What kind of influence would this person make on my kid? smoking, excessive drinking, . . .

But really, what does this person believe? What kinds of thoughts are running around in their head? What feelings in their heart? These things make the greatest difference in whether I would consider a partner.

5. What I looked for in a partner
Wed, Sep 22, 1999 - 9:59 PM/EST
lac

I have been married six years (very happy) and I can tell you that I looked for my best friend to marry. He is the person that I tell all of my secrets to-even the ones I am least proud of. I chose someone who understood me and loved me anyway. He has the same values as I do- and we have fun together doing nothing. He's black, I'm white. I did not go hunting for a black man he was not looking for a white woman. Now, don't get me wrong this relationship is work--and aren't they all. We still sometimes fight over who's turn it is to take out the garbage and we sometimes get too caught up in the kids and the career and forget about the romance. We have a lot of funny stories related to being a "multi culteral family" and some really sad ones too. We have one black child and one white child...that WAlmart in Alabama will never be the same after my son who is white loudly asked if he could be black like his cousin. I have realized that our house is filled with love and I am just grateful for that.


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